


Wavering

by Violette_Pleasures



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Slow Build, because I thought he would be a sassy princess, fem!slash, fili is a girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:45:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violette_Pleasures/pseuds/Violette_Pleasures
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili had always been close siblings;  Fili doted on her little brother and Kili had always adored his big sister. But, as they reached their coming of age, they became more distant. Now, with the threads of fate being sewn, things are changing even more between the two and they begun to question in what way do they love each other? Is it familial...or something more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fic on here and I am super nervous. I would love to get all sorts of critiques and reviews to help me become a better writer.

Thunder crashed and rain poured from the heavens outside the walls of the Blue Mountains. No doubt the stone giants were waging a battle deep in the mountains providing the timbre to this midsummer's storm.

Kili folded his arms behind his head and lay back on his pillows and furs and breathed deeply enjoying the gentle lullaby of the storm. He had always had a fondness for darker weather. Maybe because the night he was born the Blue Mountains had experienced one of the worst storms in its history. Some of the homes had even been flooded causing quite a panic as the young prince had come into the world.

It was shortly after the midnight hour when Kili had finally rolled over and closed his eyes when the shuffling of slippered feet came from the hallway. He smirked to himself. The door handle turned and the rustle of silks and satins rushed into the room.

"What took you so long? " Kili smiled smugly at the person standing just inside his doorway.

His sister, Fili, jumped at her brother's voice. She had thought he would have been asleep by now. "I don't know what you mean..." Fili looked away feigning disinterest. "I merely got turned around in the hall." At this she crossed her arms keeping up the act.

Kili rolled his eyes at his elder sister and lifted the fur draped over him and patted the bed beside him in welcome. "Come on already, brat." His eyes shone with laughter. His sister, though always acting brave, was actually terrified of a lot of things, but thunderstorms had always frightened her the most. Come morning after a storm, Kili usually found Fili curled up in bed with him sleeping peacefully. It was their secret.

"Stop teasing me!" Fili uncrossed her arms and slowly made her way across her younger brother's room. She tugged off her bed jacket and sat on the edge ofKili's bed. She had just leaned to remove her slippers when another roar of thunder tore through the sky. Fili jumped and crawled under the furs with her slippers on. 

"Hey, hey...calm down..." Kili lovingly stroked his sister's long, blonde curls. "I couldn't call myself your brother if I didn't tease you." 

Fili glanced over her shoulder at Kili. There was nothing but kindness behind his chocolate eyes. Fili felt a blush begin to creep into the apples of her cheeks and she quickly rolled onto her side and slid her back into Kili's chest. She smiled inwardly at the contact as feelings of being safe and warm came over her.

Kili threw an arm casually over his sister's form on top of the blankets. "Still think I'm a good for nothing little brother? " He could not restrain the laughter in his voice.

Fili prickled at her brother's jest. "Yes. Especially with runes." She noted the weight of her brother's arm on her, noticed as well that it was bare and she could see the dark hair that she thought must cover his body; she turned to face Kili barring any such ponderings from her mind. "You really should take your lessons a little more seriously." She chided. 

"Not all of us could be so scholarly, Fee." He smiled his carefree smile that Fili had always adored. As a child Kili discovered this and used it to his advantage to get anything he wanted from his big sister. Time had changed both them and their relationship, they had only grown more distant the closer they came to being of age.

"I love you, Kee...I mean it." Fili brushed a stray lock of hair from Kili's face. "Thanks for putting up with me,"she gestured towards the bed.

There was a slight change in his demeanor,a slight flushing of his cheeks,a slight tightening of his arm over Fili. She tried to brush it off, but for a moment, she felt her heart ache. "I love you too, Fee,"he responded full of sincerity.

Her eyes lingered on his for what felt like a moment too long before Fili finally spoke. "Good night, _nadadith_."

"Good night, _sanamad_." Kili smiled again, but not Fili's favorite one.

Fili looked st him deadpan; had she been standing, her arms would have been crossed. "Haha..." She turned away from him and again cuddled close. The blush from earlier returned and now even her ears were red.

                    ~~ ***~~

  
Kili woke the next morning entirely too hot. He sat up in bed and tugged his sleep shirt off baring his naked chest to the cool air. He looked to his side and started a bit at the sight of his sister. He had almost forgotten that Fili had snuck in bed with him last night.

Kili looked over Fili's form. Gods, she was beautiful, long blonde mane of curls mussed, full rosy lips parted, and golden lashes resting on her cheeks.

Taking advantage of this rare moment, Kili leaned over his sister and gently stroked her cheek. He smiled in wonderment at the softness of her pale skin. Kili's hair slipped from behind his shoulder and caressed Fili's cheek. She stirred at this, but did not waken. He sighed in relief. Deciding that even though he wanted it to last forever, this beautiful moment had to come to an end before he was caught. Kili swallowed hard and leaned in closer to his beloved sister's face giving her a feather light kiss on her soft lips. This would be enough, he thought, to last him until the next time he would be able to steal another. Fili pursed her lips as Kili drew back and he could not hold back giving her a second kiss. This one was a little harder than the first and roused Fili a bit. Kili hurriedly sat down on his side of the bed and watched his sister slowly wake.

He was not sure when his love for Fili had become "more." Kili vaguely remembered how, as his sister had grown into an ethreal young princess, a new feeling had unfurled deep within him. Something corrupt and dark. He hated himself for it and had spent many restless nights letting his subconscious torture him.

"You're up early." Fili pushed herself up to sit next to Kili, rubbing her eyes. She was a vision, all cream satin, lace and skin.

"I guess..."Kili shrugged a little forlorn. "Its hard to sleep when when you have a squirming heated blanket clinging to you." He smiled a little to recover himself from his thoughts.

"Well excuse me, Master Kili..." she retorted. Fili looked over at him with striking ocean blue eyes. Suddenly her eyes widened and a deep shade of red covered her face and ears.

Kili looked at her quizically, cocking his head to one side. "Fee? " He reached out to touch her but she threw her hands quickly over her face.

"Kee! Where's your shirt?! " Her usually commanding voice was barely a squeak.

"My shirt? "Kili looked down at his bare chest. "Oh...right. I said I was hot."he stated indignantly trying to hide his glee at making his big sister turn the color of a tomato.

"Well cover up then! " Fili protested.

"I don't know, _sanamad_...I think I may stay this way for the rest if the day." Kili smirked.

"Kili! " Fili peeked between her fingers at her brother's naked chest. Kili was all lean muscle covered in smooth skin that was sprinkled with dark, curly hair, just as she had imagined. She blushed more furiously at her thoughts.

"Alright, alright. I surrender." Kili held his hands up in a sign of surrender and slipped his shirt back on. "Better? "

Fili looked over at him with a small amount of trepidation. "Yes," she finally murmured. At that, she rose and walked to the door. "Thank you for letting me sleep here, _nadadith_." She smiled as genuinely as she could manage. She just had to distance herself from him lest she be charmed by his devilish smile.

"Wait! " Kili slid off the bed with the grace of a cat. He stooped and retrieved Fili's night jacket from its spot on the floor. He strode with purpose and poise, sex appeal pouring off him, over to his sister who's shaking hand rested on the door knob. "Here," he breathed and held the coat out for Fili.

Something was off about Kili, Fili could sense it. Things suddenly seemed more serious and there was an unwelcome spark in the air that she had not expected to feel around her brother. She felt flush, as she slid her arms into the sleeves.

Kili slowly slid the jacket up her toned arms. In the spur of the moment he brushed the tips of his first fingers up the top of Fili's arms as he released the jacket. He could physically see her shiver and he felt something coil within him. He knew he should stop, but he had to try, had to push.

"K-Kili...? "Fili's voice was breathy and questioning. She looked over her shoulder at him, keeping her head bowed demurely out of habit.

"Mmm? " Kili hummed at her. His heart was pounding. She was so gorgeous, so untouchable. He reached out and cupped either side of Fili's neck from behind. Her breathing hitched at his touch.

"Kili? " There was a note of panic in the princess' voice. Her heart was thundering..because of her brother!

"Yes? " Kili tried to maintain a completely uninterested tone to his voice. He slid his hands from Fili's neck to underneath her hair. Kili lifted her hair gently pulling it from out of her robe, his body pulsing with nervousness. He found this mundane gesture so erotic he could hardly stand it and it took every ounce of self control to move her hair and only move her hair.

"Th-thank you, Kee..."the young princess uttered, barely a whisper. Fili sounded more breathy than intended and she bit her lip in frustration.

Kili furrowed his brow slightly at hearing the long spoken endearment. That is right...this was his sister before him, a young, chaste princess, not just some maiden. He was such a fool.

"You're welcome, dear Fee," he tried to play it all off as some joke. He bowed ridiculously like a court jester and tried his best to produce his heart melting smile.

"Kili...I-" she thought a moment before speaking. "Nevermind..." Fili's voice trailed off. She looked shaken and unsure as she gazed up at Kili. Her cheeks a bright pink and body still trembling slightly as she turned to leave. 

He shook his head at himself. Kili scolded himself for making his sister look so troubled. .'You idiot' he thought to himself. He could not resist calling out to Fili as she neared the end of the hallway. "I look forward to seeing you on the practice field, if you think you can best me, that is, dear sister." 

Kili laughed to himself as he saw Fili stiffen at his challenge. Fili had never been one to back down from a chance to prove her worth as a warrior. She turned on her heel at this and stuck her tongue out at Kili then left his sight, stomping the whole way.

                            ~~***~~

"How could he be so-! So--! Agh!" Fili muttered to herself as she prepared for training on the practice ground. She had mulled over that mornings interactions with her brother and had deemed them entirely unfunny. She all but stormed onto the field with the other shield maidens.

Because Fili was a princess, she was not allowed to truly fight as Thorin had declared it"unlady-like"and "not befitting for a princess." So she resigned to being the shield maiden who could never fight, who even when she desperately wanted to spar, could find no one willing to go up against the precious princess.

But, there was one who did not care about her title out whether or not she left the grounds dirtied and a little bruised. Her bother. Kili. Normally a reprieve, she now sought out her brother with full intent of maiming him beyond recognition. 'I'll wipe that smug little smirk off his face.'

Fili was just about to call out for him when she spotted Kili. He was at the archery range near the treeline. Fili paused to watch him work. Kili was a skilled archer. He had practiced until his bow became his arm and his arrows an extension of himself.

Fili could not but notice how handsome her brother was when he was doing what he loved. Kili's dark faun eyes focused intently, every muscle in his lean muscular frame tensed, his soft waves of brown hair half tied back. He held his breath a moment before loosing his arrow. A perfect center.

Fili felt her heart pound again. She placed a hand over her breast in a failed attempt to still it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay next part! Woo! I'm just happy to have something for everyone. I hope you like it. Again I apologize for my writing style, I'm still getting the hang of this . I also apologize for how short my chapters are. 
> 
> Thank you very much for all the lovely comments I received on my first chapter. I really appreciate it ^_^

Kili was lost in thought as he stood before the hay bale tuned target. That mornings happenings played over and over in his mind. Why had he been so suddenly bold? Why did he risk losing all contact with his beloved sister? All this rushed through him as he loosed another arrow, this one actually hitting true. The others had been embarrassing misses all morning.

"Trying to hide from me over here, nadadith? " Fili walked up to him, arms crossed.

Kili turned to face Fili. He swallowed hard at the look of determination in her eyes. He knew he was in trouble. "Hello, sister." He chose his words carefully knowing they could be the death of him.

"Are you ready for our promised match? " There was a trace of a small smile on the corners of her lips, but it was not a kind one.

"Of course!" Kili swallowed again. "What shall we compete in today? Swordsmanship? Archery? Javelin? "

"Grappling." Fili left no room for argument.

"Grappling? You're sure? "

"I am."

"Well, once the field is clear, we can ask Dwallin to oversee our match." Kili offered a meek smile at Fili.

"Fine." She answered his smile by narrowing her eyes. It was times like this that she really resembled their mother. "I see you're scared to get beaten up by your sister in front of everyone." She taunted.

At this, Kili just had to roll his eyes. "You are too proud, sister." He finally smiled genuinely, laughter shining in his amber eyes as he looked deep into his sister's beryl eyes. He felt himself blush a bit.

His sister faltered a bit at his smile. "Well...I'll see you then." Fili turned from him, golden curls a light with the sun.  
  
"Sister...Fee," he called after her softly. Kill could not let his sister walk away still so visibly upset. He kicked himself for his earlier stupidity; maybe had he behaved, he would be hearing Fili gently whisper 'I love you's' instead of jibes. "I'm sorry for this morning."

Fili turned at this and looked Kili in the eyes once more. She was still guarded and skeptical of his intentions.

"Forgive me. Please? " Kili timidly reached a.hand out for his sister's shoulder. She flinched away from his touch.

"No amount of pleading will get you out of this one, nadadith." Kili relaxed a bit at her endearment. With that she left to go train with the other shield maidens.

~~*~~

"Alright, everyone is gone now. Are you ready, brother?" Fili stood bold and proud in the grappling ring ready to let loose some of her pent up aggression from practice.

Kili stood opposite Fili without any aggression in his stance. He merely lowered himself slightly, arms up waiting for the match to begin.

Dwalin stood off to the side of the ring. He merely packed his pipe while looking on at the siblings. Dwalin was always amused with the sibling's antics. He had trained both of them to be skilled warriors, also being someone who would occasionally spar with Fili. He had always had faith in her as a warrior and because of that, Fili had a fondness for him.

At length, Dwalin spoke. "Now you two play fair. No low blows, bitin' or hair pullin'." He eyed them both with suspicion. "You may begin."

Fili and Kili circled each other predatorily. Fili's stance low, knowing she would have to be for leverage against her larger brother. Kili's stance light knowing he would have to be quick to get at Fili.

Fili was the first to move. She bent lower and charged Kili, grasping him about the midsection. It winded Kili briefly, but he soon recovered and attempted to pry his sister off.

She had gotten stronger since they last grappled like this. Kili broke Fili's hold by sliding a leg between her's and leaning outwards. Fili stumbled and Kili seized the moment to break free. As Fili regained her balance, Kili grabbed her arm and wrenched it behind her back.

"Agh!" Being restrained only made Fili furious. She, ever the quick learner, decided to use her brother's trick against him. She slid her leg back and inbetween Kili's legs, bent her knees and used her hip to flip him onto his back.

Kili released his sister's arm as he tumbled over her, dazed at her strength. He was going to have to try harder if he wanted a chance at winning this.

When Kili landed on his back, Fili tried to sit astride him and pin him, but he was too fast and rolled to the side. He stood quickly and went into a defensive stance. A frustrated Fili came at him and just before she made contact, Kili dropped and kicked her feet from underneath her.

Fili growled in protest and Kili was on top of her, pinning her impossibly to the ground. She struggled with everything in her. She could not lose! She was still mad at him for how he made her feel.

The princess glared up at her brother from her place in the dirt. Kili was slick with sweat and panting as he held Fili's arms above her head. His deep eyes focused on her light ones.

There it was again. That spark in the air; it put everything in hyper focus. Fili's heart throbbed in her chest as she looked on at her brother and he at her. This feeling was too intense for her and she began to panic a bit, but Kili did not loosen his grip.

Kili leaned his face down into Fili's. "I think now I shall claim my prize." He smirked.

Fili's eyes widened. Kili moved closer, lips almost touching; her breathing becoming more sporadic. He brushed his mouth over his sister's. Her brother's lips touched her so softly she wondered if she imagined the touch.

Dwalin, watching the scene, bristled at seeing Kili lean so close to his sister. He cleared his throat. "Alright, match is over." The warrior turned teacher tapped his foot impatiently now.

Kili laughed a strained and sad sounding laugh as he rested his forehead against Fili's. "You have gotten so much stronger, namad. I will have to try much harder next time."

Kili rolled off his sister and stood. Fili lay there a moment longer, placing a hand over her heart. Yes, it was still pounding, she could feel it through the chain mail. Slowly, she sat up and looked after her little brother as he waved a small wave at Dwalin and turned to leave. Her face was hot with, what she thought was, embarrassment and she felt her eyes puddle. "Kili! " Fili yelled to her brother and rose to her feet.

Kili turned at this, staring a little doe eyed at Fili. "Y-yes?"

She walked very calmly over to Kili until she stood inches from him. "I just wanted to say..." Fili's face was serene and her sky blue eyes locked on Kili's. Then she drew back and punched her brother square in the jaw.

"Ow! " Kili yelped and clapped a hand to his aching jaw. "What the hell, Fili? !" He yelled at his sister. She had never done something like that, a sucker punch none the less. He searched his sibling's face for an answer.

Fili was shaking from head to toe and her face was scrunched up, about to cry. "What the hell yourself, you ass! " her nose was suffused with pink and tears were streaming down her face. "What do you think you're trying to do to me? ! Do you think its funny to play with my heart like that? To..to make me feel this way? "

"Play with your heart? You think I was trying to express some sort of repressed feelings for you?" Kili pretended to scoff at all of this, but inside he was terrified his hidden secret had been laid bare all because he couldn't control himself.

"No..I didn't--" Fili was taken aback at her brother's statement. But wasn't that what she was saying? That she thought her brother was in love with her? "Kili..."

"You shouldn't be so vain, sister." Kili acted calmly as he spoke the death blow."Just because you're the special princess, it doesn't mean everyone is in love with you."

"That's enough you two! " Dwalin stepped inbetween the siblings, raising his arms to keep them away from each other. "Fili, head off to the bath. Kili, clean up the practice weapons."

"But--! " Fili protested, pointing a finger childishly at her brother.

"Enough." Dwalin turned to look at the young princess, the glint in his eyes letting her know there was no room for discussion.

Kili stood facing his sister, chest still puffed out, for a moment longer, refusing to back down so easily. Fili just stared back equally unwilling to cave, wiping the tears from her cheeks with a muddy hands. With a last growl, the young prince stalked off and began arranging the wooden weapons on the racks.

Fili released the breath she hadn't realized she was even holding. She visibly shuddered and wrapped her arms loosely about herself. What had she done?

Dwalin reached out and placed a big, callused hand on her small shoulder. "You alright there, lass? "

The weight of the big paw on her broke her reverie.The golden maiden looked up at the elder warrior unblinking. "A-aye...aye, I'm fine." Her eyes followed after her dark haired brother.

"Its nothing that can't be fixed, ya know?" Dwalin tried to look as reassuring as he could manage, which, with all his scars, turned into a sort of lopsided grimace.

Fili smiled a bit at this. "So, you mean to say a proud shield maiden of the line of Durin should humble herself and ask forgiveness of her little brother?"

"Well I'm not saying he doesn't have some begging of his own to be doing, but," The gruff dwarf shifted on his feet, serious talks about feelings and what not had always made him uncomfortable." Someone once told me 'I have been graced with the greatest gift: forgiveness. And now I give this gift freely.' So give what grace has given you, lass. Be the bigger person."

"I am the bigger person, Uncle Dwalin." She tried to lighten the tension, feeling uncomfortable herself.

"I know that, you saucy little tart! " Dwalin pulled his niece into a small hug before turning her towards the bath house. "Now go get cleaned up, you smell worse than the horses!"

Fili scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue, giggling. "Thanks..."

                    ~~*~~

"What the hell was that, you little dunderhead?!" Dwalin smacked Kili upside the back of his thick skull.

"Hey! " Kili glared at his teacher, matching him in height. "I think I've been hit enough for one day."

"Well some lessons need repeatin'!" Dwalin thundered back at the dark haired dwarfling before him. Kili's shoulders slumped in defeat and he looked down. "Now listen, laddie, we all know how you feel about your sister..."

Kili looked up, eyes wide in horror. They all knew? Who was "we"? Was it that obvious outside of his little display today? "I-I don't think I understand..."he stammered out.

"Ach, shut yer gob. We know how you feel about her. You love 'er. More 'an anyone else. We know you so we saw it straight away." Dwalin shook his head a little,a bit in pity, a bit in humor. "You're a fine young dwarf, almost at age, and yet you never been a skirt tailer, never even looked at other women. Its easy to see if yer lookin' for it."

"You must think I'm disgusting..." Kili felt sick to his stomach and he kept his gaze downcast. He had never openly admitted how he felt about his sister, not even to himself. He wondered how it had been obvious when he had tried so hard to keep his dark desires a secret.

"Of course I don't laddie." This time it was Kili's turn for a small hug. "We do wish you had chosen a less...er, complicated option. But I think you would be surprised, people eventually learn to accept the things they can't change and I think that's how they would feel about your and Fili's affections. "

The raven haired dwarf melted into his tattooed uncle's embrace and began to weep. "Thank you, Uncle Dwalin..." Kili's voice was shaky. "I was so scared. I couldn't let anyone know...I felt like monster wanting my sister in such a way. But, gods, she's beautiful and strong and smart...she's prefect."

Dwalin watched the tension roll off Kili's shoulders at finally having confided in someone. He watched Kili's eyes light up as he spoke of Fili. He could see the young dwarf nearly bursting with love and admiration for his sister. He was in deep. The warrior couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Kili looked wide eyed at his mentor.

"Its nice seeing young love. Its a powerful thing, my boy." Dwalin's eyes shone with laughter.

Kili flushed a million shades of red. He tugged at the end of his hair. Since when had Dwalin become so wise?

"But we need to work on that approach, there. Fili is a young, chaste, and proper princess, not just some filly at the tavern. She's also of age, ready to be courted." Dwalin said knowingly.

Kili gulped. He hadn't thought of that. "She's of age...and I'm not..." The words sank in like stone. Someone could approach Fili and ask for her hand. And they could take her away from him. Forever. "Dwalin! What do I do? ! I couldn't bare someone else touching her let alone..." There was new found desperation in his voice.

"Calm down, laddie. Its not as bad as you think. Even though you aren't of age, there are things you can do to make your intentions known." Dwalin eyed his pupil. "Properly."

**Author's Note:**

> As to why I made Fili a girl... It was actually on a whim. I was watching The Hobbit and was wondering if Fili and Kili were Disney princesses, who would they be? Well Kili was a resounding Merida for me, not just for the archery, but the personality. But I also felt Fili would be Merida too, but with a splash of glam and immediately Lotte from The Princess and the Frog came to mind. From there I just started writing. So there you have it, folks, the ramblings of a mad woman.


End file.
